Rough Seas

Lately I have felt a bit lost. As a family we are going through "rough seas" right now. I can not give details, but all I can ask for is your understanding and prayer. God will know even though you do not. 

This week I felt our ship sinking. Upon returning from vacation I awoke to a text from my dear sister-in-law (actually she is my husband's sister-in-law), but to me she is a sister! The text explained one of their dogs had went missing and she had searched all night without any luck. Rev (the dog) never strayed, he was too much of a chicken. This news was very upsetting. The kids awakened, I got them fed and dressed, and soon we were on our way to Lisa's to begin the search. Lisa found Rev while I was in transit from dropping of our kid's with Todd's mom and Lisa's house. After some work Rev was loaded and we were on our way to the vet. It was soon discovered he had a dislocated hip and after treatment we brought him home the following day. Things soon went down hill. I will not go into specifics, but Rev passed away Wednesday night very unexpectedly. It was horrible!!! Their dogs are everything to them. Scott (a wonderful man who I can't say enough good things about) was with Lisa when Rev passed (Lisa's hubby was out of town). Scott, Lisa, and I cried, laughed, mourned, took out grief with shovels, and did what had to be done. To some the passing of a pet my seem minor, but to us it is and was devastating. I have been lost. 

I am not lost just because of Rev. I am not sure why we cannot get to shore. I am sad to say I have questioned my faith on more than one occasion over the past few weeks. I have asked some hard questions. Why do horrible things happen to good people? Why must they suffer? How much can one person take? These questions are not just about loosing Rev, they are about everything that seems to be happening  all at once. The saying, "When it rains, it pours." seems to fit right now. However, it seems there is not a rainbow on the horizon. Don't get me wrong. Life is not all doom and gloom right now. We just held a surprise 60th birthday party for my mom and knocked her socks off. I can't help but smile every time Alexis tells me she will start using the potty in 2 days (this has been going on for weeks) or when Brent shows me what a wonderful person he is inside and out. My husband, my rock, the love of my life who is there no matter what. My family and friends who make each moment better. I am so blessed in many ways, but I have to say once again I am lost. 

As I was screaming and crying on the phone, saying things I never thought I would say, my poor, sweet mother just listened. She did not judge. I love you mom! I have done some soul searching over these past few weeks, and there is going to be a lot more to come over time. I am not sure what I need, and for that I am lost.

I know this post is confusing. That is what happens at 2:00 am. 

Thanks for listening. Thanks for praying. Hopefully soon we will no longer be in "rough seas".